Reunion on Rome's Terms

Dear Connie*,

I need you, baby. Ever since we split up back in '54** it feels like I've been trying to breathe with one lung. I know what you're thinking, those last two centuries*** we were together I didn't treat you quite right. But, hey, that's the way it happens sometimes- I said some things, you said some things, and the next thing I knew it was over. Sure, I'm the one who broke up with you- by letter, no less- but baby, you just drive me so crazy sometimes.

I know we've tried to make it work in the past- we got back together for a little while in '74**** and then in '39 ***** (I still remember those times fondly, baby)- but you always end up leaving me again. Well, baby, I can't let you go. I can't promise I'll change- I'm not going to lie to you, baby, I'm not even going to try to change. I'm still the over-bearing authoritarian I was when we broke up, and I always will be. 

But baby, we can make it work! As long as you do everything I say, as long as you overlook the lying, the cheating, the drinking, the physical abuse (I only do it when you've been bad, baby); as long as you admit that I'm perfect, I am more than willing to overlook your many faults and welcome you back with open arms.

Hurry home to:

Papa

* Constantinople
** 1054, the year Rome excommunicated the Patriarch of Constantinople
*** Problems with Rome came to a head over the Filioque addition to the creed during the 9th Century
**** 1274 was the last year of the Second Council of Lyon
***** 1439 was the year the then Patriarch of Constantinople supposedly signed an agreement to reunite with Rome at the Council of Florence. Reunion was rejected by the Orthodox monks and laity the second it was announced in their lands.